i really wish james franco would like my vagina
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
did you just send me my own nude
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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