He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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