a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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