Well douche your snatch and let's go!
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Randomize
