I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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