Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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