There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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