I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
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