and she was petting her beer can
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
