sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
