What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
