dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
