I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
