two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Randomize
