i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
