last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Found the puke drawer
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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