When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
