I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
