I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
