He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
