You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
