dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
