So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
