that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Ladies don't puke and tell
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
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