I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I need moral support for this bender
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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