his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I could fuck to npr.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
