Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Randomize
