At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
