I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize