Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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