Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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