my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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