My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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