Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
