apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
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