So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Randomize
