You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize