Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Randomize