my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
