he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
