All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
