A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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