Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
