I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
