Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
