I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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