i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
