happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
