He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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