I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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