My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
