Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
