I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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