Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
sarcasm needs its own font
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
