Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
