She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
