You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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