after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
