Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
