If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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