I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
