He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
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