okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
