a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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