The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
