Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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