and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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