How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
