Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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