I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
