We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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