Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
