Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
