Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
