the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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