porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
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