I seem to have left my pride at pride
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
