He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Randomize
